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Cheap DIY Project -- Basement + $1000 = Awesome Family/Living Room

I was sitting there watching some programs on TV, about different DIY projects, when one of my favorite home improvement shows came on, "Design on a Dime."  It's about remodeling one room, for $1000 or less.  At some point during the show, I thought "Hey, my basement is just one big room, maybe I can fix it up for $1000 or less."  

I began to research different "do it yourself projects." I was looking for one that would be simple enough for me, with my tiny brain and limited carpentry skills -- to accomplish myself on a $1000 budget.  Next, I just had to decide what to do and how to do it.

So Many Family and Living Room Ideas to Choose From

Many of the DIY projects that I researched, either cost too much, or were too complicated.  I opted for one of the simpler projects.  I just wanted a basic family room, where we could all gather to watch a movie or play a game. I still felt the need to requisition the help of one of my closest friends; David Pauwels, because he is a bit more experienced in carpentry work than I am.

Staying within budget was going to require some major bargain shopping.  Luckily, between me and David, we had pretty much all the tools we would need; but materials were a different story.

Material Cost Breakdown

Below is a list of the material we used and how much these items cost.

• Waterproofing Material - I decided to just use some waterproof paint (like what they use in swimming pools) on the cinder block walls.  Cost = $300
• Hardware & Supplies - Things like screws, hinges, nails, masonry drill bits (for the concrete floor), carpet tack strip, outlet covers, and electrical wire really add up.  Luckily my uncle was able to provide the wire at a huge discount, because he kept it in bulk reels in his garage.   Total Cost = $70
• Wood for Framing - Since this was a basement, I picked up some "less than perfect wood" from the local lumber yard at a major discounted price. Cost = $250
• Drywall and Joint Compound - Again, being a basement, I went with the thinnest drywall available and picked out sheets with minor defects for a discounted price.  For joint compound, I bought the general purpose stuff, and it only cost $6 for a five gallon bucket.  Total Cost = $150
• Paint - The paint store had a section of miss-tinted paint that cost $1 per gallon.  The downside was that I couldn't choose the color, but since I was on a tight budget, it didn't bother me much.  I picked up several gallons of miss-tinted paint and three gallons of a dark red primer that we mixed together to create a rustic red color.  That just left a couple gallons of white paint for the ceiling.  Total Cost = $100
• Carpet - I was able to find two good pieces of scrap carpet from a discount carpet outlet.  Of course, using two pieces of scrap carpet created a seam.  By strategically placing the furniture, the seam was later hidden and unnoticeable.  Cost = $100
• Accessories - I was able to pick up a really neat overhead light, a fake plastic tree, a coffee table, and two wooden doors at various yard sales. These items added a nice touch to our family room.  Total Cost = $40

The total cost of my "cheap DIY project" came to $1010.00, but this included furniture that I picked up at various yard sales.  Thanks to David's help, we were able to complete the project in about four days.  Cost of labor?  One steak on the grill and a cold beer is all that David asked for in return.  What a pal!  There were some minor complications we ran into along the way but nothing too major.

Complications

• Damaged Drywall - This required extra joint compound to hide the defects.  We had to put it on extremely heavy and use a thick texture for both the walls and ceiling.  The thick texture made it hard to paint straight lines and cut the wall into the ceiling.  Additionally, outside corner edges were extremely difficult to cover with paint.
• Cheap Paint Mixed With Primer - This caused the walls to scratch easily.  When we moved the furniture downstairs, any little knick on the walls scraped the paint back down to bare drywall.
• Pipes and Vents - We were able to relocate or work around many of the pipes and vents in the basement; however, the main drain could not be relocated.  Instead, we framed it off, put a door there, for access, and made it to look like a closet.

Trim - I didn't leave enough money in the budget to buy baseboard or doorway trim.  David happened to have a few pieces of baseboard he gave me for free, but it wasn't enough to finish the entire room.  We hid most of the missing baseboard trim with strategically placed furniture, but there was no way to hide the missing doorway trim.  I guess that's going to have to be another project.

Christmas for Less -- How to Shop with Little to No Money Down

Let me start off by saying that I am sorry this post is going up so late.  It's just that the time to write and research such a detailed topic turned out to be more time consuming than I originally anticipated.  Also, I will be updating this post with proper pictures as I have the time, as well as other ways to shop for Christmas as I learn more about the topic.

You should know from the start, however, that I am not a fan of credit cards and/or loans.  In fact, I am currently in the process of using Dave Ramsey's "Baby Steps" to eliminate all debt in my life.  His techniques have been proven by millions of people who've successfully gotten out of debt, all around the globe. 

That said, his program obviously isn't 100% for everyone or all of his listeners/readers would either be out of debt, or currently working their way there.

Therefore, I asked myself what part of his program might be a turn off to some people and why everyone that listens doesn't immediately become a convert.  This question will be covered more thoroughly in a later post, but for now let's just assume the main issue for some people is his strict guidelines for -- absolutely -- under -- no circumstance -- should you ever use credit.

Today, this assumption may actually work in your favor.  I'm going to show you how to charge your Christmas with little to no money at all down.  This obviously isn't the answer for all of your long term financial needs, but may come in handy during these holiday months when our budgets are so tight. 

Sure, you'll still have to pay for your Christmas, and it may even cost you a little more in the long run (unless you're able to pay off the balance in its entirety when your first bill comes) but it will allow you some "wiggle room" -- so to speak -- and give you an extra month or so to come up with the funds. 

Even then, some of these options offer such low monthly payments that as long as you have a steady income, and live relatively within your means, they should barely affect your monthly budget.

Budgeting Tools -- why you should use them

For number one on the list, I'm going to start with some monthly budget tools and techniques.  Obviously, the best way to pay for your Christmas is with cash.  I've already stated that I'm not a credit card advocate, so first and foremost let's discuss ways to help you pay for your Christmas using cash.

The most important step in this process is creating a budget and sticking with it.  There are many tools that provide easy options for generating a monthly budget.  I'll discuss only two of them below.  My two favorite, might I add, but both are free and listed in no particular order (as I like both tools equally).

Tool #1 -- Mint

I primarily use this budget tool on my Android phone; however, it is handy to have a PC in the early stages to speed things up during setup.  This tool offers a variety of money-saving tips & tricks, stock advice, and even ways to earn a little more cash on the side.  

Mint actually brings so much to the table that I will have to cover it in more detail in a later post.  When I tried to add it to this post, it put me over 6,000 words -- so stay tuned!

Setup in Mint is pretty simple, and it integrates completely with any bank accounts that you already have.  That way, when you use your card to make a purchase, the Mint app automatically detects and categorizes that purchase under the correct category in your budget.  That's providing, of course, that you took the time initially to set up some of your main merchants and placed them in the desired category.

If used properly, Mint can save you money on car insurance, earn you great cash back rewards that include a 529 college saving fund for your children, and even show you ways to make extra money on the side without doing anything work related or time consuming on your part.  

This truly is a great tool and I strongly recommend using it.  (There will be more on this tool in a later post.)

Additionally, it's available on multiple platforms.  So what are you waiting for?  Go download Mint today!

Tool # 2 -- Every Dollar

I personally only recommend Every Dollar if you're like me and trying to get out of debt using Dave Ramsey's "Baby Step Program" or his "Total Money Make Over." 

Also, I feel I should mention that you MUST have a PC to set up the initial budget, and after that it is only available on iPhones, iPads, and of course PC. 

Dave has promised that an Android version is in the works though, so for you Android fans, just be patient and use it on your PC for now.

Every Dollar can be a very powerful budgeting tool when used correctly, and in conjunction with Dave's other services.  Because Dave's primary budget lessons include keeping envelopes with cash, with the envelopes having different labels for different areas of spending and saving, this method really shows in his online budgeting tool, Every Dollar.

The main thing to note here is that transactions do not automatically sync from your account to your Every Dollar Budgeting Tool.  Therefore, you have to enter each transaction manually, just as you have to do with Mint when the app would place transactions in the wrong category. 

The difference, however, is that you will be doing this with EVERY transaction using Every Dollar as your budgeting tool.

The good news is that you will definitely be spending more time in this app to set up and keep up with your budget.  Why is that good news? 

Because the more time you spend on your budget and looking at your finances; as well as where your money is actually going -- the better you'll do at staying on top of things and keeping on track. 

You are more likely to reach your budgeting and saving goals the more you are in the app and the more aware you are as to where you're spending your money.

The bad news is that you're going to be spending more time in this app to set up and keep up with your budget.  

Sound contradictive?  I suppose you're right, it is, but there is a fine line for spending the right amount of time on your budget. 

It varies from individual to individual.  You want to spend enough time on it that you are constantly aware of how much money you have spent, how much money you have left in your budget, and where your greatest money sucking weaknesses come into play. 

You do not, however, want to spend so much time that it becomes more of a chore to you and you end up losing interest because it was just so much work!

Use this budgeting tool with caution.  Also, you can pay to have your bank account directly integrated to sync with your Every Dollar Budgeting tool. 

As Dave says, "They charge us to download your bank's transactions, so we have to charge you something in return."  I believe the fee to have this done is something like $100.00 a year but don't quote me on that because I never used this feature. 

I already have Mint, which does the same thing for free.

The 7 main benefits for using Every Dollar include:

1. The tool was created by Dave and his team.

2. The budgeting tool integrates directly with Dave's advice on getting out of debt using his "Baby Steps" technique.

3. The primary focus is striving to get you to the point where you're "DEBT FREE!"

4. This tool will definitely keep you on the straight and narrow if you're following Dave's Baby Steps.

5. The tips, tricks, and money saving techniques come directly from Dave or his team and you can be confident and have peace of mind knowing that Dave only recommends products/services he's used and/or truly believes in.

6. If the budgeting tool Dave and his team created recommends a certain product or service, then you'd better put your listening cap and focus glasses on, because you're about to get schooled and his words are golden.

7. Lastly, did I mention this tool was created by Dave Ramsey? Well it's worth mentioning again because the man is a millionaire who has proven time and time again how to be successful with money!

Dave Ramsey knows his stuff when it comes to money and getting out of debt.  He is so passionate about only recommending products and services that he either uses himself, or truly believes in; I personally can honestly say that I'd blindly follow any product or service he recommends when it comes to finances and/or getting and staying debt free.

That's what you get with Every Dollar.  Not only is it a tool specifically designed by Dave and his team to help you stay on track with your budget and speed up the process to getting you out of debt, but any product or service that the Every Dollar Budget tool recommends, is personally backed by Dave! 

So now, you're getting advice from a known millionaire, with a system that has been proven time and time again by millions of people across the globe!  Now that's something to get excited about; something you can hang your hat on as a sure fire way to find that financial peace you've been searching for.

For some of us, generating a good budget this late in the game may not be enough to provide that great Christmas we've been wanting to give our families. 

It can be argued that the only gift that is really important is the gift of love.  I tend to agree with that argument, for the most part anyways, however, that doesn't mean it isn't nice to shower those loved ones with the gifts they deserve. 

Therefore, I will discuss some guaranteed ways to provide some nice Christmas gifts for the family that you love so much, with very little and possibly even NO money down, regardless of your credit!  Seriously!

Okay, so the reason you are actually reading this article probably isn't to get a lesson on budgeting and saving money.  What you really want to know is how and where you can Christmas shop with little to no money, right?  

Well, below is a list of several ways you can shop for Christmas, without spending an arm and a leg on a down payment.  

At most, it will probably only cost you about $30.00 down to purchase about $200.00 worth of merchandise.  And here's how.

Top Pay-As-You-Go Sites for People with all Credit Types

My number one pick for charging your Christmas -- only when absolutely necessary -- is the website fingerhut.com.  With over 5,000 products, ranging from toys, to clothing, to furniture, to firearms, to gaming consoles, to tools, to electronics, to household items -- they truly can be your "One-Stop-Shop" for Christmas presents.  

And what's really amazing is that they offer some type of credit to everyone and everyone regardless of your credit score or credit history.  You should at least have a job or a steady means of income for paying them back, though, before applying.

If you have great credit, you'll get approved for a high credit line you can use to provide your family with the Christmas they deserve. 

If you have fair credit, or even slightly below fair (almost considered bad credit) you'll probably get offered a smaller credit line of around $300-$400.  This is still plenty of credit for providing a family of up to 6 people with a nice Christmas that they deserve. 

If your credit is poor or nonexistent, they still have a finance plan available for you too! 

For people with no credit or poor credit, Fingerhut offers what they call a "Fresh Start One Time Installment Loan."  This loan should not be confused with a revolving line of credit like those discussed earlier.  This loan is probably going to be between the amounts of $150.00-$200.00.  

This option is still a sufficient amount of credit to provide a family of up to 4 people with a decent Christmas.  I should also note that regardless of what kind of credit you're working with, you do need to have a steady income of AT LEAST $10,000 per year.

I have personally known one person who lied on his application and stated that he made $10,000-$20,000 a year, and although he somehow was approved, I do NOT condone this type of deceit and behavior.  

So if you're planning on doing so, do so at your own risk.  Also, know that I am in NO WAY recommending you take on a monthly payment, without a steady income to pay it back. 

In fact, I really prefer that you find a way to pay cash for your Christmas anyways.  I'm just offering a second option for those who absolutely can't afford the extra cash this very moment to pay for Christmas.  Anyways … back to Fingerhut.

The Fresh Start one time installment loan works differently than the other types of revolving credit lines they offer.  A revolving credit line is more like a Visa or Master Card credit card.  Let's look at the difference in the types of financing Fingerhut offers its customers in the section below.

Fingerhut Advantage Revolving Credit Line

That's where they offer you a credit line of say $500.00 that you can use to make as little as no order at all, or up to as many orders as you like, until you reach your credit line of $500.00. 

If you use the whole $500.00 in the first month, you won't be able to make any additional purchases that month, however, after you make your first payment of let's say $35.00, that $35.00 becomes available to use again for more purchases, minus any interest or finances charges that came out of that $35.00 payment.

Fingerhut Fresh Start -- One-Time Installment Loan

With the installment loan option, Fingerhut extends to you a onetime loan offer, which you can use to place an order with on their website.  This is NOT a revolving credit line like a credit card, but the payments are quite similar. 

Let's say they offered you $200.00 and you spent the entire amount on your three kids and your wife.  We'll say, just to make the math easy, that you charged $50.00 for your wife, and $50.00 for each of the three kids.  Now you've completely tapped out the $200.00 loan that they offered you. 

Jumping ahead, it's now the week after New Year's, and you just received your first bill from Fingerhut.  The monthly payment is $20.00.  So, you get online and log into your Fingerhut account to make your first payment.  You decide to pay $25.00 to stay ahead of the game. 

Another week passes and you remember that there was this really cool paint tool for only $19.99 on the Fingerhut website, and you decide that it's finally time you bought yourself something. 

When you log back into your account online, you notice that you have $0.00 available credit!  How can this be? 

You not only paid your bill on time, but you even paid them extra!

Well, unfortunately, you can't charge any more purchases until the entire $200.00 that you originally charged has been paid off in full.

The bad news is that you have to pay them back, and the original $200.00 that you charged, is now going to cost you $240.00 in the long run.

The good news is that the payments are broken down so far (into 12 months payments) that it's only costing you $20.00 per month.  By doing this, you were able to give your family the Christmas they deserved without breaking the bank and forcing you to exceed your monthly budget by much, if at all.  

Additionally, provided you were able to keep up with your payments, you are generating positive results for your credit score and it will likely increase by the time you've made 6 on-time payments!

More bad news: If you only make the minimum payment, you're going to finally pay off that $200.00 right about the time for Christmas next year! 

Hopefully you've been able to save up some money and you're doing better financially this year, so you don't have to rely on credit to provide your family with a great Christmas.

More good news: Once you have finally paid off that original $200.00 loan, you're automatically graduated to a Fingerhut Advantage Revolving Credit-Line Account.  This is the account where you may be offered something like $400.00, and works like a credit card. 

This way you can continue to use the account throughout the year -- without paying back the amount in full prior to making additional orders.

More bad news: Unlike the Fingerhut Advantage Revolving Credit Line, The Fingerhut Fresh Start installment loan requires a down payment on your first order.  The down payment is usually between $20.00 -- $50.00, and most often turns out to be about $30.00.

More good news: After you've graduated from the Fresh Start plan to the Revolving Credit Line, it takes just 2 or 3 on-time payments before they offer you a credit line increase.  This way, you can buy more necessities on low monthly payments if you have to.  

The credit line increase is offered to Fingerhut Advantage Revolving Credit Line customers who never went through the Fresh Start Program as well -- after just 3 on-time monthly payments your credit line can increase by $200.00!  How exciting is that?!

Fingerhut also has many affiliates that they work with.  You can use your Fingerhut credit account with many of these affiliates as well. 

Lastly, I would like to note that Fingerhut has been around for a long time, like over half a century, and they offer very high quality products.  I would also like to note that the numbers mentioned above, in terms of payments and interest, were basic examples only and results will vary by customer. 

I only used these particular numbers to illustrate my point and keep the math as simple as possible.  The numbers I used for possible credit offers, however, should be pretty darn close to accurate, but may vary slightly by customer as well. 

Now let's look at the second "Pay-As-You-Go" site.

Flexshopper

Let me start by saying I would only use this site if you're very desperate to give your family a good Christmas, and/or there's something that you absolutely have to have and there's no other means by which you can get it.  Why do I say this?

Like Fingerhut, Flexshopper allows you to purchase items now, and pay for them later.  There is one huge difference, however. 

The bad news: Unlike Fingerhut's low monthly payment plan, Flexshopper's "Pay-As-You-Go" plan requires weekly payments that are drawn directly out of your bank account. 

This is pretty intrusive in my opinion, and also the payments seem to be much higher through this company.

That said, Flexshopper does have a guaranteed approval process, and they do carry some items that aren't available through Fingerhut -- especially when it comes to household products and appliances. 

Additionally, this company hasn't been around for as long as Fingerhut and they've had some pretty mixed reviews.  The BBB has declared multiple people complained that there was a problem with products shipping on time, customers getting the wrong products, as well as some billing issues.

What Does the Better Business Bureau Say

When The Better Business Bureau contacted Flexshopper, their response was something like:

"With the hundreds of thousands of customers we have, there are bound to be some customers who have bad experiences.  Mistakes do happen, but overall, we think we provide great customer service to the vast majority of our customers.  It is our continued goal and process to get better and improve, but while we'd like to say we have 100% customer satisfaction, we know that it's not likely, and we're okay with knowing that 90% of our customer base is happy with our products and services."  

The BBB then checked up on them again 6 months later and found many of the same complaints.  Hence, Flexshopper is NOT a BBB accredited company.

Does their statement to The BBB or the fact that they're not accredited make them a bad company?  I suppose not.  In my opinion, the company has just grown too fast and now they're a little too big for their britches, so to speak.

Now for some good news about Flexshopper: They offer a Flexshopper Smart Phone app that you can use sort of like Apple Pay.  

Once you are approved for an account with them, you can then use their app to shop at other places online.  The number of places that will offer Flexshopper as a means to checkout is expected to grow considerably in the upcoming months.  

This is due to a recent business deal they were involved in and their goal is to basically be the next Visa or Mastercard; giving everyone equal rights to credit and shopping online.

Other Ways to Pay for Christmas

In addition to the buy now, pay later sites listed above, another obvious choice for paying for Christmas is with a traditional credit card.  If you are considering using Flexshopper, let's just assume that you don't have the greatest credit.  

Therefore, it is safe to assume you'll need a credit card for people with bad credit, or no credit.

You're in luck!  I've done the research for you.  You're welcome.  There are 3 different credit cards that are relatively easy to qualify for.

Option #1 -- HSBC

HSBC has been around for quite some time and almost always have a credit card offer for anyone, regardless of their credit score or lack thereof.  Head over to their site now and apply today.

Option #2 -- Orchard Bank

Orchard Bank used to be the go-to place for people with no credit and/or people trying to rebuild there credit.  Since then, they have been bought out by Capital one.  

I hear that Capital One is fairly easy to get a card with as well, though.  I personally haven't used Capital One as a starter card in a long time, but they definitely are a big name in the industry and probably worth checking out.

Option #3 -- Secured Credit Card

This option probably isn't for you if you're trying to fast track your way into buying Christmas for your family.  If you're just trying to build your credit, however, this is a great way to start.  

Other than paying the money up front, a secured card works exactly the same as an unsecured credit card.  This is a great way to improve your credit.  I recommend Capital One for a secured credit card.

Conclusion with Questions & Comments

Well, there you have it.  That's all I have for you today.  I hope this helps some people in need.  Please feel free to comment below and don't forget to subscribe to my email list.  If you need one-on-one financial coaching, please don't hesitate to shoot me an email.  My inbox is always open to my audience!

Thank you, and Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to all!

The Benefits of Being Weird

This is an awesome video I found, which communicates some fundamental basics that teach people it's okay to be weird.  Be who you are.  In other words, "DO YOU!"

Being weird is OKAY.  In fact, as an adult, being weird is actually an ASSET!  Not sure?  Check out the crazy weird chic below ... she's crazy weird -- but GLORIOUS!

Warning: Strong Language, may not be considered suitable for children under 13 lol ... VERY ACCURATE THOUGH!

First Person: How TV is Helping me Raise my Children -- Lessons I've Learned

Television: Lessons From Andy -- I'm Still Learning Too!

No, I'm not using the TV as a babysitter, a nanny, or a daycare service for my children.  What I'm referring to is some of the lessons that I've learned from watching television.  To be more specific; the lessons I've learned from one of my all time favorite television series -- "The Andy Griffith Show."

On July 3rd, 2016, it will have been four years since the passing of Andy Griffith.  To commemorate this anniversary, I thought it best to share with you the top 5 lessons that I've learned from the Sheriff of Mayberry -- Andy Taylor.

During this very stressful time of year, with holidays rapidly approaching, it's important to remember what is really important -- what really matters to us most.  Hopefully, your answer to this is FAMILY.

Not how much food you can eat.

Not how many presents you can afford to give.

Most certainly not about the amount of presents you will receive.

It's about being thankful for your family and all that you already have.  It's about how much love and time you have to offer to those nearest and dearest to your heart.  And it's about how you communicate those things to your loved ones.

Without further ado, let's get into the "meat and potatoes" this article is about and how you can benefit from it as well.

The Top 5 Lessons that I've Learned from Watching Television

· The Importance of Family Dinners and Eating Together at the Table

· Financial Responsibility

· Respect and Relationships

· Honesty and Integrity

· The Importance of being Consistent

A Closer Look

Lesson Number One: Family Dinners are Important

There was a time when I used to feed my son, on the run -- so to speak.  When Bennie II was just over a year old, I would often feed him while he was sitting in his little walker, and I would be sitting in the living room working from my computer.  

That way I could continue working between bites, or when he wasn't interested.

As I got older, I began to learn the values of eating at the table as a family.  As my son got older, however, he learned that it was okay to not sit down and eat.  

He could just as easily eat in the living room while playing with his toys.  This was a very hard habit to break, and I only wish that I'd have used Sheriff Taylor's technique, of eating at the table, right from the start!

Lesson Number Two: Financial Responsibility

In the show, Opie kept his own piggy bank and received an allowance for doing his chores.  Andy was teaching his son what it was like to work for a living and how to save his earnings.  

In one episode, Opie broke a neighbor's window out with a baseball, and Andy made him pay for it out of his allowance.

My son keeps a piggy bank as well.  I've learned that it is much easier to get him to pick up his toys if I reward him with my spare pocket change.  

He recently broke a Superman light of mine, and he is slowly working at paying it off.

Lesson Number Three: Respect and Relationships

Andy and Opie had a very good relationship in the series, and each showed a great deal of respect to one another.  At one point in the show, Opie picks up a bad habit from his friend and thinks he can swindle his dad into raising his allowance.  

It doesn't take Andy too long to figure out what's going on, but he doesn't get mad or raise his voice.  Instead, he sits his son down to talk things through.  

They both come to an "understanding," by the end of the conversation.

I feel as though my children and I have that same type of relationship and share a deep respect for one another.  Whenever they do something that I disagree with, I always try to sit them down and explain to why it was wrong.  

I always ask if they understand what I just said.  If the answer is no, I try another approach.  This has been an ongoing learning process for me, and admittedly, I still haven't perfected it just yet.

Lesson Number Four: Honesty and Integrity

Probably should have been lesson number one, because this one really hits home for me.  

I absolutely will not tolerate dishonesty in my family.  My children are taught to always tell the truth, no matter what the consequences may be.  Regardless if they think they could get away with a lie or not, they are still always expected to remain honest.  Honest to a fault.  

In fact, there are times when they make mistakes, and are honest about it, that they receive no punishment at all -- except maybe a lecture -- because communication is absolutely essential in building any relationship at all.  

At the very least, being honest reduces the punishment every time, and it's double trouble if I find out they're lying to me!  But, let's get back to how this lesson applies to the show.

I remember one episode where Opie found a large sum of money.  Andy made him run an ad in the town newspaper to see if anyone responded.  If no one responded within a reasonable amount of time, then Opie could keep the money.  

After the time was up, and no one had responded, Opie immediately went out and bought himself a new fishing pole, but not long after, the owner of the money came looking for it.  

Opie returned his new fishing pole and broke open his piggy bank to retrieve the rest of the money for the lady -- even though the money was technically his now!

This is a lesson that I'm continually working at with my son.  When his friends leave one of their toys at our house, it does not mean that the toy is his to keep.  Trying to hide the toys and keep them for himself, is not something I find acceptable, but it's an ongoing process that we're working on.

Lesson Number Five: Unwavering Consistency -- Especially With Communication

I tried to sneak this one into number four, but it definitely deserves its own slot.  Communication really is what it's all about in any successful relationship, but we'll get more into that later on in this post.  For now, let's take a look at the example I pulled from the show, and how it relates.

In the show, Andy Taylor always did the right thing.  Even if it meant communicating that he was wrong.  In one episode, Andy; after just admitting to Opie that he was wrong, tells him to come on down for dinner.  Opie asked what they were having.  

This was Andy's response:

"Well, you and yer Aunt Bee are havin' fried chicken … and I'm havin' crow." -- Andy Taylor

It's this unwavering consistency; Andy has shown time and time again, that I try to strive for with my own family.  I will always have a deep love in my heart for the fictional town of Mayberry.  It's been some time now since the passing of Andy Griffith, but for some of us; Andy Taylor will live on in our hearts -- and our television sets -- forever.  

Check out this cool Youtube video of Brad Paisley and Andy Griffith.

Conclusion

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I'm still working on the "consistency" principle myself.  This is by far one of the most difficult bad parenting habits that I posses, and have the most difficult time overcoming.  

I think that communication is a key factor here, just as it is with many other aspects of life.  That is why I'm working on a series of audio courses to help others understand the power of communication in all relationships.  

Communicating properly, will inevitably help you be more consistent.  Be it family and parenting, intimate relationships, business relationships, or even plain friendships -- communication is the key to success!

Please feel free to leave your questions and comments below.  If you enjoyed this piece, and are ready to take the next step by signing up for our "coming soon audio courses" please subscribe to my email list.  

Doing so will put you one step ahead of everyone else in becoming a successful communicator.  Plus, you'll be alerted, via email, every time one of my articles gets published!  

I really can't stress enough the importance and impact successful communication techniques will help you to strive in all aspects of life.

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Why You're Always Putting More into a Relationship than What You're Getting Out

Ever wonder why it seems like all you do is give, give, give, in your relationship but seem to be getting little to nothing in return? Well, I have news for you, you're not alone! To better understand the reasoning behind this, we first must take a much deeper look into the definition of a couple of key terms.

Relationship: According to

dictionary.reference.com

1. A connection, association, or involvement.

2. A connection between persons by blood or marriage.

That's the general theme you'll see if you Google search the word relationship. Pretty generic, right? Let's look at another.

Marriage: Any of the diverse forms of interpersonal union established in various parts of the world to form a familial bond that is recognized legally, religiously, or socially, granting the participating partners mutual conjugal rights and responsibilities and including, for example,opposite-sex marriage, same-sex marriage, plural marriage, and arranged marriage:
*Anthropologists say that some type of marriage has been found in every known human society since ancient times.

Again, a very generic definition that doesn't really help us determine anything that we didn't already know. Did you notice that the word "Love" wasn't found in either definition?

The sad (but accurate) truth of the matter is, you don't have to be in love to be in a relationship, or hell -- even a marriage for that matter!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you have to be in love to enter into a relationship with someone, or even that you should be. I do believe you should at least recognize that potentially the party you are entering into a relationship with is someone you may come to love and want to love.

If not, then you are either wasting your time, his/her time, or you're just one of those "players" who bounces from one person to the next and often has multiple partners at one time.

Now, if you consider yourself a so called "player", can you please do me a favor? LEAVE THIS SITE NOW! This information is not for you and I'm only interested in helping those with true relationship problems -- NOT people who deliberately bring these situations on themselves because, how do they put it, "I just wanna have fun."

Give me a frigging break! There are people out there who are really hurting and looking for answers and hope. And hell, you're probably the type of person that has caused them this kind of heartache to begin with!

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, we were going to go into my definition of the terms listed above.

Relationships and Marriages are Similar to a Business Contract

Maybe not at the very beginning stages of a relationship, but if you're more than a few months in, 

then you have to start thinking about your relationship as a business contract. A marriage is most 

certainly a contract, and a legal one at that. 

If after a few months of dating you find that the infatuation is starting to wear off, and you don't often think about strangling your partner, then it's time to start thinking about what you have to offer them in your relationship (i.e. your time, cooking skills, cleaning skills, organizational techniques, etc).

Now take a moment to think of that in reverse.  What do they have to offer you?  What is it that you want out of them?  What are the absolute necessities and some of the things you can live without? 

If you're thinking about taking that next step, and moving in together, then you really have to spend some serious time thinking about those questions. Also, just because they have something to offer in return, doesn't necessarily mean that they will.

Communication becomes a key element at this point. If you think you're comfortable enough with the person to live with them, then don't be afraid to talk to them.

Ask him/her straight out. Be blunt.

"I have really been enjoying the time we spend together, but I need to know, where do you see this relationship heading?"

"Can you envision a future with me?"

This may seem too direct to some of you, but do you really want to waste any more time than you already have with the wrong person if they aren't willing to commit to the same level that you are?

I can hear you stammering now, "But Ben, I really like him/her." "What if he/she takes it wrong and thinks that I'm proposing, or about to propose marriage?"

My answer would be, you're about 90% right! With how indirect and passive most people still are in the beginning stage of relationships, most people probably would think that you're about to propose. But that's exactly what you want.

Not actually to propose, of course, but to catch them off guard so you can get an honest answer. After you gauge their response, reaction, and hesitation time, you should be able to (with a certain degree of accuracy) determine just how "into you" they really are.

Then go back to one of the major cornerstones of your relationship, communication.

At that point, if you feel it necessary, you can tell them that you aren't talking marriage or anything, but just wanted to know where you stand with them. If their answer wasn't what you wanted to hear and you feel a little awkward and embarrassed now, then you can always play it off as a joke.

"What, you mean you're not ready to get married and have three kids together, and live in a house out in the country, with a white picket fence and wrap-around porch?"

"What's the matter with you?"

"Don't you know what you'd be missing?"

All said in the most sarcastic tone of voice you can muster up, of course.  Then you both have a good laugh about it and explain you were just joking.

Either way, at least now you should have a good understanding as to where you stand in your current relationship. Is it time to move on? Did he/she at least acknowledge that they can see a potential future with you in it in their vision?

If so, great! It may be time to take it to the next level. If you didn't get the answer that you expected or hoped to get, maybe give it another three months at maximum and then re-evaluate the question.

I definitely wouldn't waste more than six months of my time with the wrong person, though. Life is too short and there are too many fish in the sea.

If you've decided to give it another three months and you still feel like things are standing still in your relationship, then you've hit a roadblock and it's definitely time to move on.

The reason for this roadblock can often be a surprising one. Unless one of you are just a player and not looking for a serious committed relationship with potentially limitless and fulfilling rewards, then the answer may lie in the way each of you love.

Make no mistake, there are a variety of different ways you can love someone. Even the way you love right now is probable to change at some point in time.

Love can be broken down into two main categories. The number of branches from those categories is so vast that I couldn't cover all of them if I wanted to.

No one even knows all of the subcategories because each individual, each relationship, is unique, and everyone sees and feels things in their own perspective. That said, let's take a closer look at the two broad categories listed below that I am covering in this post.

Love is loosely Broken down into Two Main Categories

Why do I say this? Because there's that "First True Love" kind of love (aka puppy love) and then there's "Realistic Love" which basically breaks down into how the rest of the world goes about loving someone (whether they want to admit it or not).

For those of us who fall into the "Realistic Love" category, we understand (hopefully) the difference between infatuation, attraction, and actual love.

We know that nobody is perfect and either is any relationship. There will be faults, arguments, good days, bad days, nights where I have to sleep on the couch … Oh, I mean nights where "You" may have to sleep on the couch … ahem.

Realistic lovers make it work through the good times and bad (hopefully), and rely heavily on whether or not the benefits of the relationship outweigh the negatives.

"What are they bringing to the table that I really benefit from?" 

"Is it equal to what I'm putting in?"

These are both common questions realistic lovers ask themselves on a continuous basis. For the sake of simplicity, let's call "First True Love" category 1 love, and "Realistic Love" category 2.

Here's a closer look at each category.

Category 1: People in this category are lucky enough, skilled enough, and have worked hard enough to make their "First Love" their ONLY love and really meant it when they said "Till death do us part."

Seriously, can you remember how it felt, or feels, that first time you fell in love? There's nothing else like it!

Then there is...

Category 2: People in this category weren't able to make it work out in that first "true love" relationship (or maybe they skipped that part all together).

Be it his fault or her fault, or maybe both played a part in it, in the end it doesn't really matter.

I don't believe you will ever again TRULY feel the way you did that first time. If by chance you do, hang onto it, because hopefully, people in this category learned what people in category 1 seemed to always know.

Love and relationships are hard work! Marriage is a business contract. It's not always rainbows, and fairy-tale endings.

If you want stellar results, you have to put in stellar work, make compromises, and choose your battles wisely -- because trust me -- you're not going to win them all, and by trying, you'll only manage to pick so many fights, that one or both of you will end up walking away.

If, someone who has yet to experience category 1 love, happens to fall for someone in category 2 -- and the person from category 2 ends up being their "First True Love", then that's when things really begin to get complicated.

The category 1 person is always going to feel like they are putting more in than what love they are getting back out of their relationship.

Unfortunately, most of us learn just a little too late what a relationship is supposed to be, or God forbid, what a marriage is supposed to be. It's a business contract.

Both parties should understand going in that there will be "ups","downs", and "in-betweens". It's really all about; what can he put on the table to make her life more pleasant and fulfilling?

What can she bring to the pot that will be most helpful to him? If the "contract" seems lopsided to you, then it probably is!

In that event, you definitely shouldn't move forward and it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. At the very least, put it on pause, go back to the drawing board, and come back to the "contract" once you BOTH have something useful to bring one another to the relationship.

Sure, it's much deeper than that, and there are potentially many more relationship categories than the 2 mentioned above, because we are all unique individuals with our own unique feelings and perspectives.

And yeah, I downplayed it with the whole, "business contract" and whatnot, but mainly to get my point across. This is something I have spent many days and nights pondering over in my head, sitting alone, with no TV playing, no music, no one talking to me, just staring off into the distance, thinking.

Conclusion

This is some of the best stuff I have come up with as to why some relationships work and some don't.

As well as, why it sometimes feels like you're putting more in than you are getting out.

So why am I giving away FOR FREE some of my best ideas, practices, and thoughts? I mean, I've just passed 2,000 words for crying out loud! The reason is simple.

I did it to help you, the readers, and hopefully keep you from making some of the same mistakes that I've made in the past. After all, isn't that what it's all about? Helping people?

So now, can I ask you a favor? Can you share this article with your friends and family? Not just so I can increase traffic to my blog either (though that would be nice), but because you never know what's really going on in someone's life at any given point in time. 

This article may really help someone re-evaluate their current relationship, and get them to demand that they receive the type of love they deserve. The type of love that they've been putting in the entire time, but getting little to nothing back in return.

If you're interested in reading more of my thoughts and ideas on relationships, finances, self-development, or technology, then subscribe to my email list and never miss an update.

Also, I will soon be launching an audio and/or video course that subscribers can obtain free access to.
If you're interested in any "one-on-one" coaching, please let me know. I would like to hear from you in the comments section below. Do you agree or disagree with my thoughts on this post? Once again, thanks for reading!

Disciplining my Children When I’m Angry: The Parenting Habit I try to Avoid

The Ornery Boy Just Doesn't Want His Picture Taken! 

Parenting is a skill that I just can't seem to master, and from what I've learned so far; for every good parenting habit I seem to pick up, a bad one isn't too far behind.  What’s a guy have to do to get it right?  One thing I have learned along the way is to never discipline my children when I'm angry.

In college, before I ever had kids of my own, I remember my Psychology teacher lecturing about the various forms of reinforcement and punishment types.  I never thought I would put these techniques to use in my own life.

Below is a List of Some Good Parenting Habits When Utilized Correctly

·         Positive Reinforcement – Give something to your child for a job well done.  (i.e. Bonus Allowance)

·         Negative Reinforcement – Take something away from your child for a job well done. (i.e. Chores)

·         Positive Punishment – Give something to your child for misbehaving.  (i.e. A Whipping – but not with a whip!)

·         Negative Punishment – Take something away from your child for misbehaving.  (i.e. Toys)

For me, the best combination seems to be “positive reinforcement,” with “negative punishment.”  When my son is good, I give him cash for his piggy bank, and when he’s bad, I take away his toys.  Often just the threat of taking away his toys will do the trick.

Sounds pretty good right?  The problems arise when he does something that really upsets me, or starts acting up when I'm really busy and don't

have time to deal with things properly.  When that happens, you can forget everything you just read because I become completely unpredictable with my punishments and tend to go overboard.

A Personal Example of my Bad Parenting Habit

I can recall a few weeks back; working on my laptop, when I heard my son tell my mother that he doesn't love her.  I went out into the front room to see what was going on, just in time to see him standing there, facing his grandmother -- with his fist doubled up in front of him!

Generally speaking, I wouldn't raise my voice and would handle things calmly.  I sometimes use a deep voice to get my point across, but try not to yell. This was a different situation altogether.  I immediately began yelling, telling him I better never hear him say something like that again, and that if I ever seen him raise his fist to his grandmother again; I would throw away all of his toys.  I swatted him twice on the butt, put him in the corner, and decided to throw away one of his toys anyway -- for proof as to how serious I was!

As you may have already guessed, the only thing this accomplished was successfully determining how long my son could cry, and just how loud he could get.  Additionally, I found myself digging through the trash about an hour later to retrieve his Superman toy.  Now, not only had I failed to be consistent in my punishment, but I also showed my son that I wouldn't follow through with throwing away his toys.

How I Plan to Break This Bad Parenting Habit

To help me break myself of this awful parenting habit; I have been sending my child to his room for 20-30 minutes before I decide on a punishment.  This gives me time to cool down before making any decisions and has proven to be most helpful … well, most of the time!

Questions and Comments

Please feel free to leave any questions, comments, or feedback, in the section provided.  I would like to thank you personally for taking the time to read my article, and I truly hope that someone can learn from my mistakes.

This article, written by BenWolfinger, first appeared on Yahoo! 05/23/2013 -- which has since closed up shop ... sigh.

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