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| The Ornery Boy Just Doesn't Want His Picture Taken! |
Parenting is a skill that I just can't seem to master, and
from what I've learned so far; for every good parenting habit I seem to pick
up, a bad one isn't too far behind. What’s
a guy have to do to get it right? One
thing I have learned along the way is to never discipline my children when I'm
angry.
In college, before I ever had kids of my own, I remember my
Psychology teacher lecturing about the various forms of reinforcement and
punishment types. I never thought I
would put these techniques to use in my own life.
Below is a List of Some Good Parenting Habits When Utilized Correctly
·
Positive
Reinforcement – Give something to your child for a job well done. (i.e. Bonus Allowance)
·
Negative
Reinforcement – Take something away from your child for a job well done.
(i.e. Chores)
·
Positive
Punishment – Give something to your child for misbehaving. (i.e. A Whipping – but not with a whip!)
·
Negative
Punishment – Take something away from your child for misbehaving. (i.e. Toys)
For me, the best combination seems to be “positive
reinforcement,” with “negative punishment.”
When my son is good, I give him cash for his piggy bank, and when he’s
bad, I take away his toys. Often just
the threat of taking away his toys will do the trick.
Sounds pretty good right?
The problems arise when he does something that really upsets me, or
starts acting up when I'm really busy and don't
have time to deal with things
properly. When that happens, you can
forget everything you just read because I become completely unpredictable with
my punishments and tend to go overboard.A Personal Example of my Bad Parenting Habit
I can recall a few weeks back; working on my laptop, when I
heard my son tell my mother that he doesn't love her. I went out into the front room to see what
was going on, just in time to see him standing there, facing his grandmother --
with his fist doubled up in front of him!
Generally speaking, I wouldn't raise my voice and would handle
things calmly. I sometimes use a deep voice to get my point across, but try not to yell. This was a different situation altogether. I immediately began yelling, telling him I
better never hear him say something like that again, and that if I ever seen
him raise his fist to his grandmother again; I would throw away all of his
toys. I swatted him twice on the butt,
put him in the corner, and decided to throw away one of his toys anyway -- for
proof as to how serious I was!
As you may have already guessed, the only thing this
accomplished was successfully determining how long my son could cry, and just
how loud he could get. Additionally, I
found myself digging through the trash about an hour later to retrieve his
Superman toy. Now, not only had I failed
to be consistent in my punishment, but I also showed my son that I wouldn't
follow through with throwing away his toys.
How I Plan to Break This Bad Parenting Habit
To help me break myself of this awful parenting habit; I
have been sending my child to his room for 20-30 minutes before I decide on a
punishment. This gives me time to cool
down before making any decisions and has proven to be most helpful … well, most
of the time!
Questions and Comments
This article, written by BenWolfinger, first appeared on Yahoo! 05/23/2013 -- which has since closed up shop ... sigh.
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